A lot
of friends have been asking how I am doing.
I have been thinking about heaven and suffering and
death and life. A lot. I have cried. A lot. I have laughed. A lot. I
have also been reading and studying John 11:35, “Jesus wept,” sort of
to make myself feel better about being a puddle. I have heard John 11
preached on many times, about the beauty and
humanity of Jesus weeping and grieving at the tomb of Lazarus, missing
His beloved friend. Post May 27, I have a different understanding of
this passage.
I believe Jesus was so moved in His spirit because He
was about to call Lazarus from of the very presence of Almighty God
back into a fallen and broken and sinful world. Jesus knew better than
anyone else what it was like to come from perfect communion with the
Father – where there is no sin and no sadness and no tears and no pain-
into a place full of deceit, sin, brokenness, sadness, sickness, and
death. I think Jesus was weeping FOR Lazarus.
I wonder if Laz was
glad to be back when it was all said and done. I wonder if every day he
walked the earth after that, he just longed to be with God again, that
this life as we know it felt like a shadow of true life as he
experienced it. The hardest laugh felt like a sliver of happiness, the
most beautiful day felt lackluster. I wonder what he said of heaven.
When Moses was about to enter the Promised Land, he told God that he
didn’t want to go if God’s presence wasn’t going with them (Exodus 33).
This man Moses, who spent 40 days and 40 nights on a mountain with God,
would rather wander in the desert than spend one day in the Promised
Land without Him. Wow. The Psalmist wrote that the NEARNESS of God is
our good; not our circumstances, not when we feel His blessings, not the
Promised Land…just His nearness. That is why Emmanuel means “God with
us.” In His presence there is complete goodness and joy and hope.
I
would never wish my dad back from the presence of God. He is
experiencing life as we were all created to experience it. I am jealous
for him and I miss him like crazy, but if I look at death like I think
Jesus did, there is no sting. It is the great reward. It is life indeed.
My dad is more alive now than he has ever been. I am reminded that I
do have in my heart a portion of the presence of God, this tiny preview
of heaven, a deposit guaranteeing what is to come, the Holy Spirit in
me. And I think about why Jesus came. Emmanuel. God with us. God with
ME. And He is.
And that is seriously Good News.
