I
have been thinking a lot about the presence of God. Still. I feel it
differently now. I used to experience it as though seeing the form of a
person, a shadow really, in a window of a house across a great field.
This last month, I have trampled through the field, stumbling, sweating,
thirsty…and I find myself on the front porch. I have climbed the steps.
The outline of the person is the same. I cannot
see His features. Although I can hear the faint whisper of His voice
through the door, I can’t always make out the words. But I am near. I am
on the threshold of being with Him. All around me are the evidences of
His hands. The fresh paint on the floor, the roof overhead, the
manicured garden of corn and squash. The porch swing. The pots of
hydrangea (because those are my favorites). He is with me. I am with
Him. I am at peace, and I have ALL that I need. I think this is all of
us as believers. At first we are far off, and now we are brought near.
We see dimly in a mirror, but then we will see fully. We will see face
to face. Our faith will be sight. One day, if we have trusted Christ, we
will be inside that house. We will live there and we will dine with
Him. Forever.
But what about when we are in the darkness? Is
God still there? Has He left? I was looking at the end of Matthew, at
Jesus’ last words. So picture this: Jesus is about to ascend into
heaven. He is about to leave earth, to finish his 33 year long ministry.
He is choosing His last words. He gives His disciples the Great
Commission. He could have said anything. He could have said, “I love
you.” He could have said, “I will provide for you.” He could have said
“I am good. You can trust Me.” Or “Peace out!!” or a million other
things. And what does He say? He says “I am WITH YOU ALWAYS, even to
the end of the age.” WOW. And by saying that, He basically said all of
those other things. What He is saying is—My presence is enough. This
life will not be easy. It will be hard. You will suffer. You will be
sad. But I am WITH You.
I think about that song I sang in
youth group—“I wanna walk in the light as He is in the light.” You know
you used to rock out to that, too (and may I say, I am so glad we did
not have YouTube in the 80’s- Kristen Beck King,
we would have owned that). Anyway, we know He is in the light. Jesus is
the Light of the whole world. There will not even be a lamp in heaven,
because, guess what? GOD IS THE LIGHT. I can’t even fathom that. And
then I am wondering, well where is He in the dark moments? Where is He
in the mascara cheeked, snotty pillowed, shoulders ache from sobbing,
all I want is a hug from my dad, grief stricken darkness?
And
then I read Exodus 20:21. And it says, “Moses approached the thick (wait
for it) DARKNESS where GOD WAS,” and I stop short of my wondering. God
IS there. Before the foundations of the world, God moved over the
surface of the deep, IN THE DARKNESS (Genesis 1:2). He is IN the
darkness, too. He has not left. He is just as present. And He will never
leave. He is tirelessly at work redeeming all of the darkness. The
suffering part is the same-- we will suffer here just as Christ suffered
here, in order to be like Him in His suffering. But He is redeeming ALL
of it. Beauty for ashes. Praise for heaviness. Joy for pain. Hope for
sorrow. And the very best part, life for death.
Can I get an Amen?
