Ode to My Minivan

(for Alexis)

Your kid-friendly features called me like an afternoon nap,

Window shades, automatic doors, I fell prey to your trap.

For eight years and three kids, we rolled around just fine,

To the beach and the mountains, we rocked the double yellow line, 

Then one day I awoke to find I hadn’t showered in days, 

I binge-watched Downton Abbey and was eating Chick-fil-a,

You were pushing 150k miles, it was time for something new,

And then it hit me, an epiphany, there was just one thing to do, 

So we sold you to another family with babies and a dog,

But I wanted to properly thank you for your service on my blog:

In your cupholder, I once found a congealed delight,

Made from last week’s goldfish and spilled over Sprite,

Your tires were never rotated and unevenly bare,

Your bumper was shopping-carted, and I didn’t even care,

My daughter's projectile wretch resided deep in your pocket,
No fear of theft, I never felt the urge to lock it, 

Half the time your doors jammed and closed back on my child,

The scent of your leather was putrid, yet mild,

The orange that rolled out of my grocery sack,

Was found a month later, green rotted mold in the back,

Your DVD player we swore to only use on trips (LOL),

Was like medicine for this momma, for my kids it was the drip,

Dried vomit and diaper leakage crusted between your seats,

Baby Einstein and Barney were your only sick beats,

Princess stickers melted on your back windows, all I could do was sigh,
Your steel mobile prison is where former glory goes to die.

To the extreme we rocked parenthood like a vandal,

But to keep driving you would be worse than a scandal,

It’s mommy graduation, they’re almost all in school,

I’m not wearing a jean jumper yet, I can still be cool,

I’m truly grateful for any wheels with my family by my side,

But I finally got my swag back in my NEW. DOPE. RIDE. 

SUV= Stay-at-home-mom Upgraded Victory,

And that is the happy ending to this mommy story.

(special thanks to the hubs, Marcus, who funded said new ride)